In The End
by SSAEmilyHotchner
Summary: Inspired by "In the End", by Linkin Park. Hotch is going through a rough time after the Foyet attack, and he realizes that he just can't be a burden on his loved ones anymore. Established H/P romance.


Author's Note: "In The End" has always been one of my favorite songs, and while I was listening to it a few days ago, I realized how it could fit a story between Aaron and Emily. So, as the idea hit me, I immediately wrote it down. Just as a warning: I don't mean any copyright infringement, but I did change one word in the song to better fit this plotline. Hope you enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, Santa didn't listen to me when I asked him for Criminal Minds on my Christmas wish list. So, no. I don't own Criminal Minds...although I really wish I did.

* * *

_It starts with love…_

There are only two sounds in the room, yet Aaron Hotchner cannot bring himself to sleep. The two sounds?

The combination of his and Emily's breathing, and the steady ticking of a clock.

Tick.

Tock.

He watches Emily sleep. Her back is facing him, so he sits up slightly to study her face. Lips barely parted, hair disheveled and fanned out on the pillow…she couldn't look more beautiful.

He sighs. He knew this day would come, where part of him wouldn't be able to continue. To cope. To survive.

"Time passes too quickly and doesn't let you enjoy life," Aaron thinks grimly, still watching Emily in her peaceful sleep.

_Time is a valuable thing. Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings. Watch it count down to the end of the day, the clock ticks life away. _

_It's so unreal._

He couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't continue pretending that everything is fine, especially to Emily. She deserves more than what he's giving her. He can't tell her the truth, that when Foyet attacked him, a part of him died, because the truth hurts. And so does love. He knows he has to be strong, for her and for himself, but he just _can't._

_I kept everything inside, and even though I tried, it all fell apart._

_What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time where I tried so hard ,and got so far, but in the end, it doesn't even matter._

He knows that Emily is trying to be strong for him, but even she can't take it anymore. She's cracked. On the surface, she's the bright and shining Emily that they all know so well. But on the inside…she's not. It has stressed them both out way too much, causing fights, tension, and creating distance between them.

_In spite of the way you were mocking me, acting like I was part of your property, remembering all those times you fought with me, I'm surprised it got so far._

Because of an evil, sadistic man, because of George Foyet, Aaron's life has been ruined. He has become hardened against all emotions. He can't love, or be loved. He's a different person.

Or so he thinks.

_Things aren't the way they were before. You wouldn't even recognize me anymore. Not that you knew me back then, but it all comes back to me in the end._

Unknown to Aaron, Emily has been awake this whole time. She knows what he's going to do, and there's nothing she can do to stop him. She knows that he's already made up his mind and that once his decision is made, nothing will be able to change it. Stubborn man. He gets out of bed, and sits on the edge, with just one thought running through his head:

"_I can't believe I'm leaving Emily."_

Emily feels Aaron's weight leave the bed. An odd shuffling noise fills the silence of the room, and she knows that he is changing.

Leaving.

The clock ticks, time being the only constant in both their lives.

Tick.

Tock.

Still thinking that she is asleep, he walks over to Emily's side of the bed, smoothes back her hair gently, and kisses her forehead. He whispers quietly, so that even she can barely hear it, "I can't do this anymore, Emily. I wish I could explain but it's just too hard…I'm so sorry."

He walks to the bedroom door, and looks at her sleeping figure one more time. She sighs, and he swears that he sees, reflected by the moonlight, a single tear running down her cheek.

It's enough to make him falter, but it's too late to back out now.

He walks out of the room, maneuvering himself out of Emily's personal life, and shuts the door firmly behind him.

_I've put my trust in you, pushed as far as I can go. For all this, there's only one thing you should know…_

_I've tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter._

Leaning against her bedroom door in semi-frustration and disbelief at his actions, he hears Emily break down and cry. Fighting the urge to run into the room, pull her into his arms and kiss her to sleep, Aaron takes a long shaky breath, walks out of her home, and returns their relationship to nothing but strictly professional.

Nothing would ever be the same for them.

Muffling her sobs in the pillow, which still smells like him, Emily struggles to say one thing.

"I thought he loved me…"

_In the end, it doesn't even matter._


End file.
